I am genuinely shocked. But still, it is so easy to put this here, spread peace in the form of pixels. It is one click, even when it is motivated by true sadness and compassion, it still is a click. I live in Europe, so my reality as a person living in this continent has been changed by this shared tragedy. But still, it has been changed from a distance. I can press play, look at crying people, the marks of destruction, and fill up with true emotions for those people. But it is also easy for me to press pause. If I do, that pauses the catastrophe, it stops being physcally visible in my reality. If I leave home, the blood is not on the streets of my hometown, it is on the streets of Paris.
But the thing is, someone can't press pause. They can do nothing to stop their daily reality from changing for good, reshaped by something that for us is happening only in form of those minutes on the media. Someone's reality has already started to grow around the fact that their husband, daughter, best friend, mother, brother, someone they loved didn't come home from that concert, or a bar, or a restaurant. And after losing the most significant person in my life, I know something about that, watching world as you know it shatter to pieces, and as it does, wounding you to the bone, leaving you exposed to extreme pain. But I also know about the growth, about the new world that painfully and slowly, but also as surely starts building around the loss. And it is a brave world, where breathing becomes easier and colours gather their shades in silence that you could one day wake up and see them again. That day can be far, for me it has not yet dawned, but I already know, it is somewhere in the horizon. So it will come, I promise.
Of course, for me it was all different, as every loss always is. For me it was coming in the form in a deathly disease, I didn't know the day, but I knew it was coming, it was inevitable. But those hundreds of lives have been changed in instant. All those people were coming home, and then they just did not. For some inexplicable reason, because of some abstract hatred that had nothing to do with all those people. This tragedy is beyond all words. But my soul recognizes that this means something familiar: confusion, anger, grief, agony. But all that multiplied by hundreds of lives at the same time, at the same place: that means something so vast that it is almost impossible to grasp. But still, all this speaks through the language of certain recognition, so it pierces its way to the still sore spot named Loss in my chest.
And to all that pain my heart reaches out, for each and every person touched by this tragedy! My heart is filled with hope that we all, separately and together, can become the light that eventually grows bigger than the darkness. #prayforfrance
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